


Before the Storm

by emmathecharming



Series: I'm A Wildfire [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 18:06:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3456749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmathecharming/pseuds/emmathecharming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma and Killian have been dating for a couple of months and it's been great. But she can't help but listen to the little voice in the back of her head telling her to run. Finally, it becomes too hard to ignore and she knows what she needs to do and she readies herself for a tough conversation with Killian. This is a prequel (but written after the fact) to my story Kiss Me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before the Storm

     Emma sat in the bar of the restaurant waiting for Killian to finish work so that he could come meet her for dinner. Alcohol was probably not the best idea but she really needed a drink. She'd been nervous all day and she needed to do something to try and calm herself. But her drink wasn't helping and she just continued to worry as she watched the seconds tick away on the clock behind the bar.

     She kept telling herself that she shouldn't be nervous. This was hardly the first time she'd done this. She'd sat in bars just like this before, running through the same speech in her head. She'd never been nervous then. But this time, there was a new thought nagging at her heart. This time, she felt a little twinge of guilt and regret about what she was planning to do. She kept catching herself thinking that maybe she should try a little longer to make this work but then the part of her that she usually listened to, the part that screamed at her to run away, kicked back in. And that was the part of her that she knew she should listen to.

     These past few months had been happy ones for her, the longest period in her life that she could remember feeling this way. She'd met Killian on a night much like this one, both of them out for drinks after work. They'd both been alone at the bar and after a few drinks, they'd started talking. That night, like so many that followed, had been so easy. There was something about him that Emma didn't understand but she could feel herself growing more and more comfortable around him every day. They'd become nearly inseparable, meeting after work almost every night for dinner, talking about their days, their lives, present and past. They spent their weekends off on some adventure or another. She loved the rhythm they'd fallen into. It was steady, it comfortable, it was almost safe.

     But after a couple months, that tiny voice in the back of her mind began to eat away at her again like it always had. This was the voice that told her that what she had would never last, that it was all too good to be true. It would chime in when she was at her happiest, when she was relaxing with Killian at his apartment on a Sunday night laying on the couch watching a movie or while they were out dancing after a few drinks. It would start to scream at her that this would all be taken from her, that he would grow tired of her just like all the others, that she should just run before he could hurt her again.

     She fought these thoughts harder than she had ever cared to before but it just became too much. She'd never expected something like Killian to happen to her and now that it had, she didn't know how to just let it happen without falling into her usual pattern. And now here she was, waiting for Killian so that she could at least give him the small favor of trying to explain herself before she just left. He deserved that much from her after everything.

     Finally he showed up and she followed behind him as he led them into the dining room, taking those few seconds he was looking the other way to ready herself, to try and force a smile so that she could get through dinner. She tried her best to act normally, to forget about what was coming, to have one last good night with him before she shattered what they had. This was anything but easy, she was nervous and she had a feeling Killian noticed. But she made it through dinner without bolting or giving too much away and finally it was time.

     This was it; this was the moment she'd been waiting for all night. "Killian, there’s- there's something I need to talk to you about."

     "Emma, you look worried, what is it?" he reached for her hand, meaning to comfort her, but she pulled it off the table before he could take it in his own causing the look on his face to only grow more confused.

     "I just know that you're going to try and talk me out of what I'm about to do and-"

     "What's going on, Emma? What are you talking about?"

     "I'm taking about me, about this, about how I can't do this anymore."

     "Do what? Emma, if you're saying you don't want to do dinner after work anymore, that's fine. We can do whatever you want."

     "Killian, just stop. I'm not talking about dinner. I'm talking about this, about- about me and you. I can't- I just can't." She could feel herself beginning to lose it, the tears starting to bubble up and the look on Killian's face as what she said sank in only made it harder to keep it together.

     "I don't understand, Emma. I thought you were happy. I thought we were good together."

     "What do you want me to say?"

     "What do you mean what do I want? I want you to tell me the truth, Emma. I want you to explain what's going on."

     "Fine. I was happy. I am happy. I can't remember the last time I was this happy. I l-"

     "Don't you dare say love! If you loved me at all, you wouldn't be doing this."

     "It's precisely because of how I feel that I'm doing this! I know you don't understand but this really is best."

     "Emma, that makes no sense! If that's how you feel then you fight for that against whatever may try to make you feel otherwise." He reached out toward her again, trying to pull her back, to keep her there.

     "Don't you get it?" She was losing control, her emotions starting to take over. "I'm sick of fighting! Look, I know how this goes. I start to feel like maybe this time, something is different, that maybe this time, it can work out. But then just like always, something changes and you get tired of me and then I'm fighting for something that I should have left behind. And I'm tired of it. It's happened with everyone else and I know it's just a matter of time before it happens with you too."

     "Emma, that would never happen. I wouldn't do that to you. You know how I feel about you. I know that you-"

     "What? You know what? You don't know anything about me. But that doesn't matter anymore. I've made up my mind and you can't change that. This is the best thing I can do for both of us. This way it's over before either one of us get in too deep and gets hurt." She stood up and reached for her purse knowing that it would only be moments before she completely gave in to her emotions and the tears would start.

     "Do you really believe all that? Do you really believe that this won't hurt either of us? Because I can assure you, Swan, that you are wrong about that."

     "Maybe I am. But at least this way, I'm the one behind it. For once, I won't be the one lest wondering what went wrong. And right now, that's enough for me." She turned around, already leaving when she heard him call out to her again.

     "Fine Emma! If that's what you want! Just throw it all away!"

     "I'm sorry Killian. I am so so sorry" she whispered. That was it. The first of many tears ran down her face as she took one last look at him and then turned to leave.

     Emma made it as far as the front door before she let the sobs wrack her body and she had to stop and just let everything out that she'd been pushing down. She stood leaning on the wall of the restaurant for support as she cried.

     Emma let herself feel the hurt of what she'd done until she finally felt as though she could stand straight again. She pushed herself off the wall and turned the corner to begin the walk down the few blocks between her and her apartment. Just as she began the walk home, it began to rain. On any other night, she would have cursed herself for not taking a cab but tonight she was grateful for the rain that would camouflage her tears. She knew this was just the start, that there would be more tears still over the coming days and weeks as she would undoubtedly be constantly reminded of everything she had just given up. But tonight, she was simply left wondering if it really was easier to be the cause of your own pain.


End file.
